Trying to Make the Chase with the Most Average Team Ever (pt. 1)

By Zane Miller

Back in 2021, I wrote an article covering the most average team in NFL history, that being the 1970 Cleveland Browns. That particular Browns squad managed to finish 13^th out of 26 teams in both points scored and points against, while maintaining a 7-7 record at the end of the regular season. Nonetheless, the Browns nearly made the playoffs that year and would have done so if not for a miraculous comeback from the Cincinnati Bengals, who started the season at 1-6 before going undefeated in the second half, stealing the AFC Central crown with an 8-6 finish.

With that in mind, I figured it would be a fun experiment to recreate the perfect middle-of-the-road nature of the 1970 Browns in the video game world and see what happens. This wouldn’t be limited to football, as I plan to build painfully average teams across multiple sports. I decided to start out with NASCAR- more specifically, NASCAR 2005: Chase for the Cup- since the process for ensuring a perfectly average team/driver combo is pretty straightforward. All I needed to do for this one is have my team’s engine, aerodynamics and suspension rated at 5/10, then hire the level 6 driver for the Cup Series, that being Floyd Parkhurst.

Of course, normally I would have to work my way up through the lower series before getting enough money to buy a Cup team, but in this case I used the cheat code to give myself $10 million at the beginning of Fight to the Top, enabling me to retire immediately and buy a Cup Series team before the start of the 2004 season.

Went with the most generic paint scheme possible, also the character limit is why it says 'Motorsport' instead of Motorsports :)

Unfortunately, the simulation mode for NASCAR 2005 is pretty bad, especially when compared to NASCAR Thunder 2003. For one, the player can’t actually see the results of any simulated race, the game will only display the winner of each event and they have to go back to the race shop menu every time to see where their hired driver finished. Second, the results themselves have almost no variety, as the vast majority of events will have either Dale Earnhardt Jr., Jeff Gordon, or Kevin Harvick as the winner. However, unlike NT2003, the quality of the equipment doesn’t deteriorate after each race, making it easier to keep the car as average as possible. Fittingly, Floyd Parkhurst finished midpack in the season-opening Daytona 500, with Harvick taking the checkered flag for his first win in the Great American Race.

Parkhurst nearly had his first top-10 of the 2004 campaign at Martinsville as he came home 11^th, but would have his first true shining moment in the spring race at Richmond. Parkhurst brought his #150 Chevy across the line in an impressive third, as Elliott Sadler scored the win as easily the most interesting winner of the season. Parkhurst matched his third-place effort a couple weeks later at Dover, sitting a respectable 13^th in points just over halfway through the regular season.

At Michigan, Kasey Kahne earned his first career win to become the only Dodge to win in the regular season, but for Parkhurst, things would go awry at the summer Daytona race. There he was hit with his worst career finish of 42^nd, followed by another brutal result of 41^st at New Hampshire. Although Parkhurst managed another top-five at the second Michigan date, by the regular season finale at Richmond he was well out of contention for the inaugural Chase, sitting over 700 points back of 10^th-place Sadler. Speaking of which, Matt Kenseth was the only Ford driver other than Sadler to get a win, with each of the blue oval’s victories coming at Richmond.

Although his quest to reach the Chase in his rookie season fell short, Parkhurst had a decent 10-race stretch to wrap up the year, claiming a pair of eighth-place finishes on the way to a 15^th-place points finish. I wanted to go ahead and get that out of the way since the real story is the incredible Chase run of Jimmie Johnson. Johnson didn’t have a particularly impressive regular season, coming into the Chase in eighth, but went on an absolute tear once the postseason got going with wins at New Hampshire, Talladega and Martinsville. Going into the Homestead season finale, Johnson was the points leader, but had teammate Jeff Gordon hot on his heels a mere two points back. Also chasing Johnson were Harvick, Ryan Newman and Tony Stewart, each with a realistic chance of taking the title. However, Gordon would have a horrible race, losing 138 points to Johnson, while neither of the other four were able to get the job done. Johnson held off Harvick by 50 points for his first Cup championship in just his third full-time season. What impresses me the most about this is that Johnson would eventually become known for being unstoppable in the Chase despite never being the best during the regular season, though this perception didn’t come about until roughly five years after the game’s release. Always nice when video games end up predicting the future.

Breaking down the final stats for 2004, Harvick easily captured the most wins, taking 15 of the 34 races (the schedule is 34 races instead of 36 due to both Pocono races being omitted from the game, likely due to some sort of licensing dispute). Gordon and Earnhardt Jr. each grabbed six victories, while Johnson was the only other multi-time winner with three. Parkhurst’s final statline as a rookie was no wins, three top-fives and six top-10s.

The 2005 season would start off similar to the year before, with Harvick going back-to-back in the Daytona 500. However, Parkhurst started off strong this time around, picking up a sixth-place finish. Early in the year, it seemed there may be a new challenger to the big three of Harvick, Gordon and Earnhardt as Kahne picked up wins at Las Vegas and Darlington, though this unfortunately wouldn’t last. In that Darlington race, though, Parkhurst matched his career-best of third before taking a fourth-place finish at Texas. He would have quite a few nice runs in the first half of the regular season, holding 13^th in points.

Dale Jarrett scored an upset at Infineon for his first and only win on a road course, but the terrible luck for Parkhurst on the July 4^th weekend only continued with a 39^th-place result. He would bounce back nicely with a fifth at Chicagoland as he looked to keep a Chase appearance in his sights. Robert Yates Racing must have found some extra speed on road courses this season as Sadler grabbed the win at Watkins Glen, followed up with another Ford win with Kenseth getting it done at Michigan. Throughout the last several races of the regular season, Parkhurst had been setting remarkably consistent results, not finishing worse than 15^th after the Daytona debacle. Sadly, it wouldn’t be enough as Parkhurst came into Richmond just outside of contention for the final postseason spot.

Undeterred, Parkhurst ended 2005 with some more solid results, including another third-place run at Darlington. Parkhurst ultimately took the 12^th spot in points, with another tight championship battle unfolding before him. Carrying the torch for Team Penske, Newman scored a massive victory at Darlington to go into Homestead with a 27-point lead over Harvick for the championship with Earnhardt, Gordon, Kenseth and Stewart in tow. I wish I could tell you that Newman pulled out the title here to end in disappointment another double-digit win season by Harvick, but I simply can’t. No, Harvick came in clutch with the win at Homestead and, just as he did in 2014 in real life, Newman was forced to settle for runner-up as Harvick claimed his first career Cup title.

This time around, Harvick only had 12 victories to his 15 the year before, with Earnhardt improving to nine wins and Gordon posting four. Kenseth burst onto the scene with a four-win campaign of his own thanks to a late-season surge, as Kahne took his two wins as something to build upon in 2006. Parkhurst collected no wins, four top-fives and 10 top-10s.

The 2006 season began with another bang for Harvick, who three-peated at the Daytona 500 with Parkhurst coming in 18^th. Kenseth picked up where he left off at the end of 2005, claiming the checkers at Las Vegas while Kahne took an early-season win at Atlanta. As spring turned to summer, Harvick rattled off a streak of four straight wins, taking Dover, Michigan, Infineon and New Hampshire as Parkhurst struggled with just two top-10s in the first half. Gordon ended Harvick’s run with a win at Chicagoland, but it would be Newman getting unexpected back-to-back victories at Watkins Glen and Michigan with the Chase right around the corner. Coming into Richmond, Harvick had already locked up the regular season title with Parkhurst sitting well outside in 16^th.

With another run at making the Chase come and gone, Parkhurst had a largely uneventful final 10 races, as Gordon cruised to his fifth championship thanks to victories at Dover and Kansas, even clinching the title a race early. Although the Homestead race was irrelevant to the standings, Stewart would finally get his first win of the simulation, but it would come at the expense of Parkhurst, who finished right behind in second for his best career finish to this point. Nearly making it to victory lane despite his mediocre skillset and equipment, Parkhurst at least finished 2006 on a high note, but it was a disappointing season overall with just one top-five and four top-10s. Harvick was again the winningest driver with 13 victories, with Gordon securing nine wins, Earnhardt getting five and Newman breaking through for three.

The start of 2007 matched reality as Harvick took the Daytona 500 yet again, though Parkhurst was likely not running at the finish as he wound up in 39^th. In fact, he wouldn’t get his first top-10 of the year until Talladega, but it was followed up quite nicely with a third-place run at California. With the lack of top-10s and a few too many finishes outside the top-20, Parkhurst sat an underwhelming 18^th in points at the halfway mark. Meanwhile, Kenseth had emerged as a championship threat with a pair of wins at Atlanta and Bristol in the spring, along with a triumph at the second Michigan event. This enabled him to take the #1-seed in the Chase, but it would again not see the participation of Parkhurst, who could only fight his way back to 16^th before the postseason began.

The Chase races were nothing to write home about for Parkhurst, who failed to get any top-10s in his remaining 10 starts. Instead, the 2007 campaign belonged to Earnhardt Jr., who dominated for five wins in the Chase, including the final two races of the season to defeat Kenseth by 75 points for his first career title. Earnhardt’s banner year included 13 wins, while Harvick had a pedestrian nine victories by his standards, though he also scored his 50^th career win at Richmond. Gordon added seven wins himself, with Kenseth’s title run coming up short with three wins. Parkhurst eventually placed 17^th in points with no wins, one top-five and six top-10s.

Here’s where I’ll go ahead and bring part one to a close, but I’ll be doing part two sooner rather than later as we wrap up the 2000s and head into the 2010s!